Where did I put that peace?

Peace can be so fleeting. One minute the house is quiet, and I can hear myself think, perhaps even study a bit, and the next, the boys are fighting (oh, I'm sorry, loudly discussing) upstairs or I've thought of something I want to look up on the internet or my phone rings or (oh! loook! shiny!) and I'm distracted again.

I constantly struggle with focusing on right now. It seems I'm always looking down the road, planning, anticipating hurdles, trying to smooth the path, worrying about what's coming up next, and tripping over my own two feet in the process. I think I miss a lot along the way.

This problem would seem to be easily answered, but I've struggled with it for years. How do I just enjoy the moment? Become content with now?

Perhaps contentment is what I'm really missing. In planning, worrying, and focusing on the future, maybe I'm really trying to change things, because I'm discontented with them. I'm one of those weird people who is energized by change, so maybe I'm always looking for it, instead of learning to wait upon the Lord and His timing.

So today, instead of indulging that impulse, my prayer is for contentment - living at peace with right now, appreciating the gift of today. Reminding myself that it is a gift, and that is enough.

Did I grumble about being a SAHM? I was crazy!

I have a new appreciation for being at home full-time. I worked full time for a year, and it seemed I never had time for anything. I was gone from the house for almost 12 hours a day. Birthdays were a huge hassle requiring efforts in minimizing fuss, and food was fast, processed and not necessarily healthy. Errands were squeezed in after work or took up precious weekend time. Sick days or doctor and dentist visits were a question of "who did it last time?" or "who has more sick leave?" Childcare was a nightmare this summer, patched together pieces of vacation time, kind friends, even kinder relations, and a ridiculously expensive option provided by our employer. Our younger son also struggled in school last year, and I think me working was part of it. My hat is off to anyone who manages this all the time.

Most of all, however, Christmas was one more thing to check off of a list. I hated it. Anything I decorated would just have to be taken down again, and I had a horrible attitude about it. I don't remember one present I was excited about giving last year, and I am usually big on matching the perfect gift to the recipient. I did a lot of getting through it. This year, even with school, the pace is slower and we planned ahead of time what we wanted to do. We're finished shopping, and the gifts are wrapped and under the tree. I've started cooking and freezing appetizers for our Christmas Eve finger food feast. Maybe it's the closet control freak in me, but it feels so much more peaceful. The boys are happier, and so are the rest of us.

I am reflecting on what Christmas really means this year, and for me, it's this: peace. Before Jesus, it's impossible to know real, lasting peace, because carrying around a lifetime's worth of sin is such a heavy burden. Knowing Jesus, appreciating His birth and sacrifice for me, lifts that burden and replaces it with a peace, with God and with those around me. This year, forgiveness is the Christmas gift for which I'm most thankful, and I hope you have found it, too.