The master's program I am attending is all internet-based. I've met two of my professors for this semester one time and one not at all. It has been the most challenging and frustrating school experience I've ever had, but has also been immensely gratifying.
Challenging because the burden is entirely upon me as a student. I have to keep up with due dates, figure out when I'll have time to complete assignments, and put as much work into each assignment as I'm prepared to live with comfortably. No shining examples of good work exist for comparison, and I receive very little feedback from my professors on my work. I have to be comfortable with my own work, often without any feedback of the 'right' answer. The gratifying part of that is coming to a realization that I can be comfortable with my own work, and I can reach a point where I am happy to put my name on it, call it finished, and hand it in.
That's also where frustrating has come in. Anyone who knows me well could tell you that I am not satisfied with being a 'Type A' personality; I'm really more of an A+. The lack of feedback and direct instruction has been frustrating, because I rarely receive the external stamp of approval for a job well done.
My level of frustration with that fact has led me to an uncomfortable realization - why does it matter so much to me? I'm realizing that I can be too dependent on others' opinions of me and my work as a validation.
The question really is, if I am truly free in Christ, can I also be a slave to insecurity? I think the answer is no. Beth Moore has written a book on insecurity that has just been published. I'm so excited to see what God has led her to say on this topic, because I think it's so important. As I get closer to 40, it's been so interesting to see where God has shown me growth along with areas for improvement. I'm hoping this is an area I can look back on in a year or two and see lots of growth!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Winter That Actually Showed Up . . .
Or, what global warming? After almost ten years of living in Tennessee, we've had a real winter this year. We've seen more snow so far this year than all the other nine years put together. The boys are even a bit tired of it, and I've had to drive in it, which is a real stretch for this lifelong Southerner. I just don't know if I could live any further north without ending up with winter depression, though - we saw the sun yesterday, and my mood was noticeably better than it has been in a while.
However, as I look out my window and watch a cardinal and a blue jay hopping around the yard, 'our' herd of deer feeding on the grass, or see a rabbit crashing through the underbrush, all of which I've enjoyed this week, I'm reminded that seasons are necessary. Without the cold of winter, would I really appreciate spring? Without the dormant season, bleak and harsh with cold, would the lush green of summer be as beautiful? Without the times when God seems far away (or in truth, when I've wandered away from Him), would I appreciate His provision? Because He always provides, even as He does for His creatures I've watched today. Thinking about these things led me to these verses . . .
Luke 12:25-32 (New American Standard Bible)
25"And which of you by worrying can add a single [a](A)hour to his [b]life's span?
26"If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?
27"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even (B)Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
28"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? (C)You men of little faith!
29"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not (D)keep worrying.
30"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.
31"But seek His kingdom, and (E)these things will be added to you.
32"(F)Do not be afraid, (G)little flock, for (H)your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.
However, as I look out my window and watch a cardinal and a blue jay hopping around the yard, 'our' herd of deer feeding on the grass, or see a rabbit crashing through the underbrush, all of which I've enjoyed this week, I'm reminded that seasons are necessary. Without the cold of winter, would I really appreciate spring? Without the dormant season, bleak and harsh with cold, would the lush green of summer be as beautiful? Without the times when God seems far away (or in truth, when I've wandered away from Him), would I appreciate His provision? Because He always provides, even as He does for His creatures I've watched today. Thinking about these things led me to these verses . . .
Luke 12:25-32 (New American Standard Bible)
25"And which of you by worrying can add a single [a](A)hour to his [b]life's span?
26"If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?
27"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even (B)Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
28"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? (C)You men of little faith!
29"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not (D)keep worrying.
30"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.
31"But seek His kingdom, and (E)these things will be added to you.
32"(F)Do not be afraid, (G)little flock, for (H)your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.
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