The master's program I am attending is all internet-based. I've met two of my professors for this semester one time and one not at all. It has been the most challenging and frustrating school experience I've ever had, but has also been immensely gratifying.
Challenging because the burden is entirely upon me as a student. I have to keep up with due dates, figure out when I'll have time to complete assignments, and put as much work into each assignment as I'm prepared to live with comfortably. No shining examples of good work exist for comparison, and I receive very little feedback from my professors on my work. I have to be comfortable with my own work, often without any feedback of the 'right' answer. The gratifying part of that is coming to a realization that I can be comfortable with my own work, and I can reach a point where I am happy to put my name on it, call it finished, and hand it in.
That's also where frustrating has come in. Anyone who knows me well could tell you that I am not satisfied with being a 'Type A' personality; I'm really more of an A+. The lack of feedback and direct instruction has been frustrating, because I rarely receive the external stamp of approval for a job well done.
My level of frustration with that fact has led me to an uncomfortable realization - why does it matter so much to me? I'm realizing that I can be too dependent on others' opinions of me and my work as a validation.
The question really is, if I am truly free in Christ, can I also be a slave to insecurity? I think the answer is no. Beth Moore has written a book on insecurity that has just been published. I'm so excited to see what God has led her to say on this topic, because I think it's so important. As I get closer to 40, it's been so interesting to see where God has shown me growth along with areas for improvement. I'm hoping this is an area I can look back on in a year or two and see lots of growth!
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