The Big Boy Turns Ten in a Week

Ten years ago today, I was a clueless woman. I was ecstatically, finally pregnant (not quite six months), my job was moderately stressful but involved lots of fun things, and I was planning. The nursery, staying home with my child, dinner, all of those important things. I really thought I had the world by the tail.

It's a funny thing. I can see now that it was a process, of God teaching me that I'm not in control and my life is more than safe in His hands, but at the time, I just didn't get it.

We had a hard time conceiving a child. As in, it just wasn't working for us, and we were going through all of the lovely, humiliating, letting-people-in-your-private-business stuff that is infertility testing and treatment. A process that, I'm well aware, can take even longer for some people, but for us it took about two years.

I struggled. Life had always happened on my timetable, and this just wasn't working out that way. I pleaded with God, I begged for direction, I tried to make bargains, and then. Finally. After much struggling and trying to do it my way. I really gave it to Him. I got on my face and told Him that I could even live with a 'no', if that was His answer. I just was at the end of my rope, unable to live with the uncertainty and living month-to-month that we were doing.

And then it happened. I took the eleven millionth pregnancy test of my life (I have a condition that makes the normal, oh-I'm-late indicators happen on a regular basis), and it was actually positive. So I made the Hawkeye go to the store with me to get another. Also positive. I was really sure that it was a mistake. But it wasn't. God had said yes. He had been waiting for me to learn my lesson and finally give Him total control over the whole thing.

So. I was pregnant. I went into full-control-freak mode on the pregnancy. The doctor says no caffeine? Okay. More fruits and vegetables? Check. Lots of milk? Got it. I think if the doctor had said I couldn't breathe the air, I would have found a way to have done that, too. I never really had morning sickness (made up for that with younger son), and I really felt pretty good. All systems go. I had it all handled.

And then God got my attention again. To be continued . . .