Did I grumble about being a SAHM? I was crazy!

I have a new appreciation for being at home full-time. I worked full time for a year, and it seemed I never had time for anything. I was gone from the house for almost 12 hours a day. Birthdays were a huge hassle requiring efforts in minimizing fuss, and food was fast, processed and not necessarily healthy. Errands were squeezed in after work or took up precious weekend time. Sick days or doctor and dentist visits were a question of "who did it last time?" or "who has more sick leave?" Childcare was a nightmare this summer, patched together pieces of vacation time, kind friends, even kinder relations, and a ridiculously expensive option provided by our employer. Our younger son also struggled in school last year, and I think me working was part of it. My hat is off to anyone who manages this all the time.

Most of all, however, Christmas was one more thing to check off of a list. I hated it. Anything I decorated would just have to be taken down again, and I had a horrible attitude about it. I don't remember one present I was excited about giving last year, and I am usually big on matching the perfect gift to the recipient. I did a lot of getting through it. This year, even with school, the pace is slower and we planned ahead of time what we wanted to do. We're finished shopping, and the gifts are wrapped and under the tree. I've started cooking and freezing appetizers for our Christmas Eve finger food feast. Maybe it's the closet control freak in me, but it feels so much more peaceful. The boys are happier, and so are the rest of us.

I am reflecting on what Christmas really means this year, and for me, it's this: peace. Before Jesus, it's impossible to know real, lasting peace, because carrying around a lifetime's worth of sin is such a heavy burden. Knowing Jesus, appreciating His birth and sacrifice for me, lifts that burden and replaces it with a peace, with God and with those around me. This year, forgiveness is the Christmas gift for which I'm most thankful, and I hope you have found it, too.

Thankful

Wow, what a nasty night! I'm not much on reading scientific studies and all, but the fact that these kinds of storms are in January and February and not, oh I don't know, March and April, says that maybe there's something to this whole global warming thing. Seasons sure don't look now like they did when I was a kid. I don't think we had more than a handful of bad thunderstorms all spring and summer, and then we're getting them in the wintertime instead.

I am so thankful that we came out of it okay. No tornadoes, just a series of storms and then one last storm with really strong straight-line winds. We live in a windy area and are pretty accustomed to strong gusts, especially since we live on a hill overlooking a field, and there's nothing to break the wind. Last night, however, was a whole new ballgame. We spent some time in our downstairs bathroom as a family (just appreciating family togetherness?), and the wind drove in rain all around my front door to the point that it took three big bath towels to sop up most of it. Is that a big deal? Certainly not. Was I wearing my knees out in prayer? Absolutely.

So, today I'm praying for those who lost so much last night. That the Lord will restore them. That He will comfort grieving families. That His provision will be powerful, visible and miraculous. And that this will be a reminder to those of us who could use it to be thankful for blessings and open-handed and generous in sharing them with others.

Sick days and Miracles

The big boy has been home sick for the past two days. Which is something that has rarely happened since he had his tonsils and adenoids out just before he turned 2. It's really amazing how quickly they're no longer little any more -- it used to be that when he was sick, I was constantly needed for something. Now, he doesn't want me hovering over him, he wants a book, maybe some TV, and peace and quiet. Which is pretty much what I want when I get sick. But somehow, that leaves me feeling like I'm not doing my job.

It's amazing how quickly I can forget to appreciate that he is here at all. Big boy was born at 24 weeks gestation, weighing 1.6 lbs, almost 10 years ago. He spent about four months in the hospital, with lots of complications along the way, but came home healthy and hasn't had to be hospitalized since, except for one night with the tonsillectomy. He is a miracle walking around (or actually today, lying around) in my house. He shouldn't be leading a happy, healthy fourth-grader's life, but he is, because God has a plan for him --- that involves growing up! (which is intended to make Moms obsolete, isn't it?)

We are going today for a blood test that might show a slight problem with his endocrine system and I have been all worked up about this, worrying as if my life (or his) depended on it. As if I didn't learn almost ten years ago that God is in control, and I am not. A point that was pretty emphatically driven home when I couldn't even control my own body to keep him from being born.

I remembered this morning, looking at him, what it felt like to look at him when he was little, and sick, and so needy. And instead of feeling unnecessary (which I've been struggling with a bit lately), I think I'll choose instead to be grateful. If he doesn't need me so much, it's by God's grace. If he has this small problem, it's manageable -- and that's by God's grace, too. So, maybe I'll be obsolete as a Mom someday. But if God has a plan for him, he has one for me, too. Plans to prosper, and not to harm. Plans for hope, and a future -- and I can't wait!

On Obedience

It struck me this morning, as I was explaining to my six-year-old that obey means do what you're told, when you're told to do it yet again, that sometimes I give God the same excuses my son gives to me. Such as:

--I didn't hear you. Oh, were you talking to me? I thought that was merely one of those stray thoughts that I could feel free to ignore. Because it didn't seem like something I would want to do.

--I forgot. Oh, that deny yourself and take up your cross thing? Well, I didn't think about that today. I was too busy.

--I thought you meant my brother. You know, the one who is more gifted and talented than me. Or just older and more experienced. Or more energetic. Or less busy.

Wow. That's some serious opportunity for improving my discipline staring me in the face. I wonder if I disappoint and frustrate God as often as my boys disappoint and frustrate me by not obeying? And if part of this parenthood journey is meant to open my eyes to where God is wanting to work on me? Thank you, Lord, that Your mercy is new every morning. May I do a better job of showing your mercy to those you have entrusted to my care.

Learning from David's life

I'm working through A Heart Like His by Beth Moore with a young single mom at my church, and I am amazed at how much is packed into David's life. I'm always so appreciative that when God inspired scripture, He included people with their warts and all. It means so much to me that even when David messed up (and he did, and I do), God worked to reconcile David to Himself, because that gives me hope. Once David had repented of his sin, even though he had to live with the consequences, God forgave him and still used his life for God's purposes and promised such beautiful things to him. When I think of all the messed-up decisions and actions and thoughts I have made over the years, I am amazed at God's grace. I should be useless for the Kingdom, yet God still wants to use me. I should be cast aside for losing so many opportunities to testify for Him, yet God still gives me new opportunities, including two little boys who need to see Christ in me. There's only one perfect man in the Bible, and he is also God. I'm so thankful today that Jesus, the perfect God-man, chose to give up His life that I might live eternally.

One of my favorite praise songs comes from Paul's writings, and I love the recording by Phillips, Craig and Dean. I can really shatter some glass with "For I am crucified with Christ, and yet I live! Not I, but Christ who lives within me. His cross will never ask for more than I can give, for it's not my strength but His. There's no greater sacrifice, for I am crucified with Christ, and yet I live!"

Now that's a happy Friday thought.